Interview with Andrew

1. What was it that brought you to seek Lloyd’s services in the first place?

I was in a new relationship, and once again, as was a pattern of mine, I had put my partner onto a pedestal and was floating happily away. She was a pleasant distraction from my own life that I was not happy with, and thoughts of her filled the roaring emptiness in my head and heart when I was alone. I also used alcohol and other drugs to escape from that unsettling feeling of not being comfortable with my own company. The business I had started some years ago was failing, and I had long since realised I was in the wrong role, probably the wrong industry and didn’t actually have the faintest idea what I wanted to do, or what I might be good at. My father had also passed away a couple of years before and I felt burdened by his loss, my new uneasy position as eldest man in the family, and a sense of guilt and shame and denial about my place in the world.

I was floating in these currents when I discovered a dishonesty with my partner. It knocked her off the pedestal I had put her on and kicked the wind out of my lungs. It brought my own past dishonesties back to me and I had a real sense of giddiness. Unsure of who I was, where I was and what I was doing in my work, relationship and ultimately my life. After walking the streets one night as lost as I had ever felt, I knew I needed to speak to somebody.

2. Briefly compare the feelings about working with Lloyd before and
after you had actually done so.

In the beginning of my relationship with Lloyd I had a strange mixture of anxiety and numbness about the journey we were embarking on. I feel the numbness was around the fact that I had been through a number of quite deep weekend courses and ‘peak experience’ workshops and was quite used to opening my closet and dancing with my skeletons. I guess I felt like I was about to do it all again and might just go through the motions one more time. Why was this going to be any different? The anxiety was there though because also, somewhere I sensed that this wasn’t like the other times, that I wasn’t going to back at work on Monday morning several hundred pounds lighter with a load of new vows about how I was intending to live my life from now on ready to break. There was no ‘fixed’ end to our work together, we were just going to start and see where we went.

It was very shortly into my work with Lloyd that I knew this was the most important thing that was in my life, that all my other work really needed to take a back seat to what was going on right here. It was exhilarating, scary, exhausting, painful and sometimes barren, but it was also full of sweet release, recognition and remembrance, forgiveness, homecoming and peace. Even when I walked into meetings with Lloyd feeling no clearer than before I started the work, I left with my feet back on the ground and the map back in my pocket, standing solid and open and, if not always happy, then with meaning and purpose. And being happy became less important to me than just being myself.

3. How would you describe the process of working with Lloyd?

Work for me with Lloyd was a series of conversations. Some were with myself, some with him. We created a space of trust and forgiveness where I was able to explore and investigate, question and answer, and make mistakes if I needed to. All my emotions were welcomed and not judged and this allowed me to become familiar with parts of myself I hadn’t seen for years. Lloyd offered acceptance, integrity and witness, and offered myself reflected back so I could look from different angles. His own knowledge of the path I was on was a crucial element of our relationship and served to cement the trust I felt between us.

4. What did you get from your work together?

It would not be an overstatement to say that my work with Lloyd brought me home to myself for the first time in my life. I got to know myself deeper than I thought possible, and finally and for the first time, to truly accept myself. A change of jobs (thanks to my work with Lloyd) has meant that we no longer see so much of each other or I would still be exploring together with Lloyd. However I also found an independence that I had not known before, from my addictions (drugs, people, procrastination, day dreaming) which has left me quite content that for now we are not working together and that’s OK, and maybe in the future we will again, and that’s ok too. And now, at 33, I feel like a Man for the first time in my life.

5. What might have happened in your life if you had not sought help?

Looking back at my experiences and choices I know that I was caught in a continual loop, repeating the same behaviours and patterns and not taking responsibility for the results of these actions. I was blaming everyone and everything for the results I was getting and not making the space to see how I was contributing. I had been getting the same results from the same behaviours for so long that I had come to believe these patterns were just what my life was going to be about. Even though I considered myself a conscious and awake individual. I believe my life would have carried on in the same circles of cause and effect until something really serious happened, like a breakdown or an illness. Fortunately in my case, Lloyd guided me to the ripcord that enabled me to parachute in a relatively controlled manner back to earth and land with my feet planted firmly on the ground.

6. Is there anything personal you would like to say to people who are thinking of working with Lloyd?

Choosing to work with Lloyd was the greatest gift I have ever given myself, and the rest of my life will always benefit from the insights I unearthed with Lloyd’s gentle guidance and facilitation. I cannot recommend taking this opportunity strongly enough, and would welcome the opportunity to answer questions to anybody if they wish to ask more. Lloyd has my blessing to pass my contact details onto any possible clients.

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